Delayed Ejaculation – Does It Ruin Sexual Intercourse?

Delayed Ejaculation: Making Love Normally

At first sight delayed ejaculation (DE) seems to be a very difficult sexual problem to explain — at least compared to what we expect of men sexually.

For example, we all know about the problems of a man who ejaculates too quickly. A man with premature ejaculation is often oversensitive to sexual stimuli, and possibly becomes too aroused during intercourse. Treatment of premature ejaculation is comparatively easy when you know what’s causing you to come quickly. But what of the man who finds it difficult to ejaculate at all, except by his own hand during masturbation? The man who has delays in reaching orgasm?

In general men who can’t ejaculate tend to feel sexually diminished and often express a degree of anxiety about their inability to reach orgasm. Generally, the man’s partner will also feel deprived of satisfaction and pleasure. She may also feel a low level of self-esteem if she attributes her partner’s delayed ejaculation to her own lack of sexually attractive qualities.

Video – causes of delayed ejaculation

When a man with delayed ejaculation looks for help, it often becomes clear that he has had the problem for years, if not decades.  And his seeking a solution for the delay to ejaculation is usually the result of a situation that has become unbearable for the couple. (For example, the woman wants to have a baby, or she refuses to accept the situation any longer.)

What makes this more challenging is the fact that there hasn’t been a huge amount of research carried out to understand how delayed ejaculation treatment can be successfully accomplished. And that’s surprising because it’s a common problem; the reality is that it occurs in about 1 man in 16.

But we do know that men who have difficulty ejaculating are reluctant to seek help, and of all the sexual dysfunctions, this is probably the most private and least talked about.  (That in itself might give us a clue about the nature of the condition, because it hints at sexual shame.)

With the right combination of therapeutic techniques, which may include looking at a man’s early experiences and beliefs around sexuality, as well as teasing out any relationship issues which are playing out in the sexual dynamic between a couple, treatment is often very successful and comparatively easy. Of course, when underlying emotional issues play a part in any sexual dysfunction, there has to be a willingness on the part of both the man and his partner to look at what might be causing the problem.

Here, some understanding of a man’s fears, any traumatic experiences that he’s had in his past, or any harmful or negative relationship interactions may well speed up the cure of delayed ejaculation and give a man the opportunity to enjoy “normal” sex more quickly. On this website we will look at the causes of ejaculatory difficulties and the treatments available and the effects that ejaculatory problems have on a couple.

Not everyone agrees on a formal scientific definition of the condition, but one thing is clear:  a man who has great difficulty achieving climax during sexual intercourse, or who cannot do so at all, will be very well aware he has a problem, whether or not he believes it needs to be cured.

Delayed Ejaculation Solutions

I haven’t met a man yet who didn’t want to be able to ejaculate during intercourse in a normal way. I think there’s a fundamental drive in everybody, in all men, to be able to enjoy intercourse naturally, and to bring it to its natural conclusion – which is, simply put, ejaculating inside the woman. A lot of women also see it this way, and when a man is unable to ejaculate as the culmination or climax of intercourse, they tend to believe this is because they are either unattractive, unarousing, or unsatisfying to him.

And I suspect that sometimes this is true. Men with delayed ejaculation may just not find their partner very desirable. Or, indeed, very arousing. But whose “fault” is this? At some level, it’s highly likely that a man’s feelings towards his partner (or the whole nature of the relationship) plays a major role in the origins of delayed orgasm. Maybe that’s why a lot of men with this problem seem to think that if they find another partner, they’ll be able to overcome the difficulties they’re experiencing in reaching climax. 

Of course, that rarely turns out to be the case, and if a man has an affair it may make things worse because the problem lies in him, not in his partner. So if you’re in this situation and you’re hoping to overcome delayed ejaculation, it’s probably wise to engage in treatment with your current partner.  And there will be benefits outside the bedroom: being able to ejaculate normally during intercourse seems to promote intimacy on an emotional level as well as a physical level, so treatment can improve your relationship significantly.